The Parent Trap, Or How Walter Kirn Hopes to Save a Little One in Need

Walter Kirn, on Andrew Sullivan’s blog, begins an entertaining post on the TomKat birth this way:

If unborn children really had rights, the infant daughter of the actress Katie Holmes and the temporarily-humanoid immortal starseed that styles itself ‘Tom Cruise’ would have been delivered by a lawyer. Breaking the absolute silence of the delivery room, the lawyer, on the infant’s behalf, would have sued for spiritual guardianship and demanded that all profits earned from sale of the child’s story and image—including ‘virtual’ profits in the form of publicity for its parents—be deposited in a trust account to fund its lifelong psychotherapy needs. It would also be stipulated that such therapy could not be interfered with or curtailed by ‘Cruise’ or his religious representatives.

In the following paragraph, Kirn declines to type a rather mild obscenity. Is he from Iowa?

PS—Find Kirn’s online serial novel, The Unbinding, here.